Wow. I wasn’t sure what this week’s Letter would entail but Fate lent a hand to resolve that question. And how!
To set the stage. I live in an area with terrible cell service. Everyone agrees - el stinko. But of course, what occurs to the enquiring mind is whether one or another provider is LESS terrible. I currently use Xfinity, which uses Verizon bandwidth, and my usual number of bars at home is … one. Could it be improved? Well, thanks to one of the ubiquitous ads for Ryan Reynold’s Mint Mobile, I figured I’d check. Leave my wife’s line alone but transfer mine to Mint.
Using the helpful Mint webpage directions made it SUPER easy to transfer it over. How convenient. How different in all respects from what was to come. (that’s called foreshadowing, folks!) And the reception immediately changed from one bar to zero! Yay!
Yep, pure SOS mode.
Now I have to add that before requesting the switch I went to the Mint website and entered my precise address so it could let me know what kind of coverage to expect. And they came back all sunshine and butterflies. The best signal strength one could hope for. It’s so strong you could fry and egg with it. A signal so strong Neil Armstrong could have received it during his fake moon walk.
After a day I called Mint (because one has to call, apparently) and told them about the unrelieved state of SOS mode. They checked on their end and replied “Oh, yes, our coverage is terrible in your area. Sure glad we don’t live THERE!”
Uh huh. After I’m roped in they tell me the truth? Niiiice.
So I said, look. Here’s what I want. I want my account number and transfer PIN so I can go back to Xfinity. And after that’s done, I’d like a refund since you actually don’t provide any service at all.
They said “Sure!” and set into motion my latest “Life in Hell” couple of days. Wait, did I say couple? I meant several. My bad, sorry.
My guess is that what they did was ignore my actual request, gave me the correct PIN but IMMEDIATELY cancelled my account so that no hand-off to Xfinity was possible. The reason for my belief is that when I tried to transfer - I got a big fat error. Soooo big.
Not realizing the depth of Mint’s perfidy, I contacted Xfinity to address the transfer. And BOY did it not go fantastically. Happily, I saved the transcript:
Agent: Hi, thanks for contacting Xfinity. My name is Lamminlal. I see you want to upgrade your Xfinity Mobile service. Is that correct?
Me: No
Agent: How may I help you?
Me: I have an Xfinity account. 2 days ago I transferred one line to Mint Mobile to see if the signal strength was better. It wasn’t. It was nonexistent. Now I’m trying to change BACK to Xfinity. But your website still lists my phone as active. I tried to reactivate and it kicked back an error.
Agent: Thank you for sharing your concern. Be rest assured you’re connected with the right person. (Note: it wasn’t the right person). I will certainly help with the concern. (Note: they didn’t help with the concern).
Me: So - I have the account number and transfer PIN. I’d like you to get the phone reconnected.
Agent: I can understand your concern, please be rest assured I will assist you and bring a resolution over this chat. (BOY was that a mis-statement of reality!)
Agent: Can you give me your phone number and IMEI.
(So I do this and …)
Agent: Thank you for sharing your valuable information.
What, it’s valuable? Can I sell this valuable information and make a few bucks?! Wow!
Agent: As I can check this device was deactivated on the account. Just to confirm may I know your number is active with another carrier and you want to transfer it again on Xfinity, right?
At this point I WANTED to say “Were you not listening AT ALL when I told you why I was calling? Of course that’s what I want!” But instead I just said “correct”.
Agent: Perfect! I will be more than happy to add the services again with Xfinity.
They then sent me a link to a form to endanger my personal data, even though they have a hilariously statement statement on their website that they just had a large data breach. But, after sighing and filling it in they said:
Agent: Looks like you were able to complete the form successfully!
At this I puffed out my chest and paraded around the room. I was able to successfully fill in English words in blank spaces. What a champ!
Me: And?
Now I’ll skip ahead over a LOT of tedious additional back and forth. Until…
Agent: While submitting the port request there is an error as this line was previously added with the Xfinity itself however I am connecting with my advance team to get your port issue resolved. It might take a few minutes.
As a BTW - it certainly was true it might take a few minutes. In fact, it ultimately took 30 hours for this particular phase, so that’s 1,800 minutes. Definitely that qualifies as at least a few.
Much more chatting until I finally bid adieu to await developments. Which were supposed to be “give it 30 minutes”. Which upon another call became “maybe a couple hours”. And finally I re-established a chat with a brand new guy!
Agent: Hi, my name is Ujjwal. I see you have been chatting with another team member. One moment while I review the previous conversation so we can pick up right where you left off.
Is anyone surprised that, after Ujjwal finished his research, I had to recap literally everything again? Because he then said
Agent: How may I assist you.
Me: Didn’t you read the prior case?
Agent: I can’t see the previous chats. So would you please repeat your concern?
Seriously - that literally happened - I’m simply transcribing the chat log.
After another loooong back and forth, old Ujjwal told me it’s all good - everything is being handled and all I had to do was wait a couple of more … hours.
Wow wow wow.
You can guess already that it wasn’t going to work, can’t you?
Some time later I drove to my nearest Xfinity brick and mortar store. And the guy quickly got my info and entered it and … nothing. No ability to get it to work. He produced a phone and we called up Mint and there and then asked Mint what to do. Can you guess the result? That’s right. Absolutely nothing.
Down but not out, I went home, vowing to take up the fight in the morning. And the following day I called Mint bright and early and asked them to please PLEASE just release my number. But instead I was told that my account was cancelled. Which I kind of already knew BUT they said they’d uncancel it and I could transfer my number with no problems! I drove back to Xfinity and we gave it the old college try. After a solid hour of Xfinity’s “advanced team” working on it I said I’m giving up - I said I’d just ask Mint to reactivate my account by giving them more money, have a “working” phone (with zero signal strength) and then drive back to Xfinity to do the transfer.
Ah, the innocence of youth. Mint agent 1 said no problem but we have to text you a code. So I mentioned the awkward fact of not having a working phone to receive the text. How about texting my wife’s phone, would that work? Oh no, they said, that’s totally impossible. But we can CALL her phone!
Ah, great, I’ll get the phone. And … it was on silent so I never heard the call when it came in 20 minutes later. I called Mint back and Mint agent 2 says, and I’m not making this up, oh, we can tell you the information you need right now. On the phone. The information Mint agent 1 had said was impossible to reveal in such a manner to me on the prior call.
And since this is getting soooo long I’ll simply say at this point that among other things, Mint agents have told me: we’ll email you a new eSIM, we can’t email you an eSIM, you have to give us a credit card, we can’t take your credit card over the phone - you need to do it online, oops, that didn’t work - you’ll have to speak with another agent, an agent who then says I can’t take that credit card - your account is deactivated - you’ll have to have it activated, no - I can’t activate it but our expert team can solve this issue in 24 hrs, no - it’ll take 24-48 hrs, no - I’ll expedite it and we’ll call you.
Whew. Now let’s take up the thread again. It’s now Thursday morning. I’ve paid Mint triple the money from the first time in order to have a working account. Which shows up as “not active you need to give us more money”. However, by calling yet another Mint drone I’m told the webpage is wrong because … reasons.
For more amusement, NOW when I try to do the Mint webpage, by entering mintmobile.com on Safari, THIS is what I see (and still do see, btw):
Just the thing to give you confidence in the company, no?
I feared that what had actually happened, and I was just clinging onto hope for no reason, was that my phone number was gone for good. Ejected into the void by Mint, unable to be reeled in by Xfinity and that I would be left with the task of contacting every contact I had to give them my new number and to somehow convince all the entities that use it as a security check that the number had been superseded.
Yet … hold on. The Mint drone I called in the early morning (5 AM PST) claimed that there was hope. He said the Mint monster had been persuaded to reactivate my account!
My response? That’s great. Now please give me my account number and my transfer PIN.
Oh gosh, he said, I can’t do that. But I can transfer you to the department which can.
Wonderful, I muttered.
“Hi, this is Leann and I will be so excited to help you today!” Leann assured me. “Nothing will give me more pleasure than to help you, whatever the need. Sexual gratification? It is nothing compared to the urgent thrill that I will get from making sure you are a fully satisfied customer!!”
“Yeah,” I answer. “I’d like my account number and PIN”
“Ohhhh,” Leann replied. “I’m soooo sorry. Can I help with what the trouble is? What aspect of Mint is causing you difficulty?”
“Every aspect,” I reassured her. “Give me the information.”
“But sir, I’m sure I can help.”
“Lady,” I grated, “I’m confident it’s illegal to withhold this information. I want my account number and my PIN.”
“Sir, I fully understand. But I’m able to offer you four months of FREE service if you’ll reconsider.”
“GIVE” … “ME” … “THE” … “INFORMATION”. My voice was low and gravely and I tried my best to imbue it with a subtle sense “I would gladly wring your neck if you were in the room with me and feed you to wild dogs at this point.”
It must have worked because she then said “I can see your decision is final. Let me get that information for you.”
And so - I got my information and all was good!
Quick, show of hands - how many believed that last sentence? Nobody? Hey, you’re good! OF COURSE it wasn’t good!
I drove immediately off to Xfinity and Brad, the guy who helped me during the first visit, was able to help me again, during this third visit. Big thumbs up for Brad - seriously. Because Brad spent a full hour and a quarter on the phone trying to get the number working on Xfinity.
Remember that chat conversation I transcribed at the start - the one between Xfinity chat and me? I could hear Brad having a conceptually identical conversation and this time it was an actual Xfinity employee talking to corporate Xfinity, not just little ‘ol me.
Happily for me, I was quite confident of what would be happening and so had book 11 of the 20 book series I’m currently rereading with me. And I had fifty pages left in it to read!
I actually heard Brad say “Look, we’re supposed to be a service provider, right? How is this providing service?!”
You da man, Brad.
Brad came back to me and said, well, I was talking to Tier 3 and they said that we need to wait four hours. In four hours your phone will receive a prompt and you can then get the eSIM downloaded by following the instructions.
“Do you believe this will actually happen, Brad?” I asked. “No, no - no need to answer. Just because every time so far when I’ve been told “In X hours this will happen” it has happened for a grand total of never. But maybe eighteenth time is a charm!
I drove back home. And did stuff as I waited. At three and three quarter hours, with nothing having occurred, I decided to call Mint. Why not?
And when I got another drone on the line I said “I’m calling to make sure Mint hasn’t done anything stupid and made it impossible to transfer my number. Is my account still good? Is the account number and PIN still correct?
The drone checked. And said “Welllll, the account number is wrong.”
I responded politely. “%^^&%^%!! WHAT?!!! &^^#%$& kidding me???!!”
“I’m sorry sir. To create a new account number I shall have to transfer you to my supervisor.”
“Do so,” I responded.
At this point I got connected to Gio. And, lo and behold, Gio was actually competent. The first person I’d encountered that was actually able to put two and two together.
I decided what made the most sense was to let him know exactly the extent of the tangled web that Mint wove and I proceeded to do so. He expressed an understanding and started to tell me how he would create the new account number when I suddenly noticed something new on my phone. A notice from Xfinity. Four hours had elapsed and, against all reason, what they’d say would occur in exactly four hours DID occur. Why was four hours the magic number? Who knows?
So I put Gio into “please hold on” mode and pressed and prodded the phone as directed. Which led to … a working phone!
To be sure, I quickly called my brother. Success! But then I had a thought. “Gio,” I said. “Does this show up on your end as Mint or Xfinity?”
And Gio replied (of course) Mint!
WHAT?!!! Somehow my phone activated back on Mint. The room went dark around me but I rallied. Let’s talk this through, I said. WHAT can have gone wrong. And about four minutes in Gio said … “Hold on, now it says Xfinity! I did say Mint but now that’s changed!”
Isn’t that excellent? Even at headquarters things aren’t really known until our AI overlords deem them to be knowable.
A few more checks later and Gio very excellently brings up the point that I should be refunded 100% of the money that I’d paid them simply to leave them. And he mentioned that this isn’t usually done, as I’d manually renewed (or something like that) but said he’d tell the right people the right stuff, being a supervisor and all.
Later I got an email saying I’d get my refund approved or rejected (note that ominous 2nd option) in 24-48 hours. You can rest assured that anything other than a full refund in that time span will result in more discussion.
But the bottom line is … MINT STINKS! Do not, under ANY circumstance consider using them. And I’ll add to that - avoid T-Mobile itself as well. That’s who has bought Mint and Brad at Xfinity noted that they’re the worst at allowing transfers - they take the longest to release telephone numbers.
So there you go. Public service announcement for you, a world of pain for me, but an amusing Letter in the end. And now … time to revisit Nicky and ELF as he further explores the world of human nutrition.
Nickyitis
Now lay some comments on me and share until the cows come home! (or until your phone number gets transferred - both take about the same time)
This saga is Job-like in its trials, but at least no lives or property were lost! I wonder, without a signal, how did you communicate with the Minty folks? Via land line?
Glad you finally got your number back!